You constantly respond to the environmental stimuli which usually come from other people. When you’re in a relationship, you invest thoughts and emotions with the people you care about, which is why any alteration or conflict will result in stress. Varying beliefs, emotional struggles and constraints and argumentative thoughts are stressful thus motivate you to accept, argue or change your attitude and response in order to create balance in the relationship.
Varying beliefs. In a relationship, differences in beliefs can range from religion, philosophy, personal experience and the like. All responses, words and actions are bound to be subjective in nature, which is why you always find similarities and differences from one person to the next. Your own opinion may not be completely accepted by another person.
Emotional struggles and constraints. These refer to tension and hurt feelings resulting from differences. Since you are responding to the people you care about in order to feel that you belong and are accepted, you have to adjust and change accordingly. You may not truly agree with some of the changes you made, which could result in troubled emotions.
Argumentative thoughts. When you disagree with one person’s actions or behavior or vice-versa, there is a flurry of thoughts that go against what the other person is thinking. These argumentative thoughts cause dissonance in the cognitive state causing stress.
How Do You Control the Environment?
1. Accept differences. All individuals have their own opinion. You cannot control how others feel, act or think, which is why you have to accept the differences between people. It is through these differences that you are able to set goals of understanding the other individual in order to draw meaning from the relationship.
2. Control your emotions. Identify exactly which feelings are causing you hurt or stress. Learn how to acknowledge the emotions that matter in the relationship’s growth and eliminate nonsensical ones which only lead to emotional dissonance and confusion.
3. Argue and debate. The cause of arguments is misunderstanding, which is why you have to gain more information to take control of the environment. Determine your argumentative thoughts, especially the ones in which your knowledge is not complete. Clarify ideas by asking questions and stating your point of view on things that matter to you in the discussion. Debate but don’t fight.
What is the Goal and Response?
Your primary goal is to draw meaning from the relationship and to feel emotionally complete and satisfied. Your secondary goals may be gaining physical support from the people who are willing to help you. Your response is to maintain open communication and be sensitive to other people’s feelings and thoughts. Great relationships are built on acceptance and trust, which is why you need to appreciate the differences and uniqueness of each person.
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